Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
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