Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize
