Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Randomize
