I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
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He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
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