Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
