I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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