A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
