You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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