we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
