I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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