there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
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