The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize