Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
