i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
People with herpes should wear stickers.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Swine flu is the new snow day.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
