next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
ttyl tear gas
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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