Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
We're too hungover to prance.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
