I'm jealous of your bromance
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
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