you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
