its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
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Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
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She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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