Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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