i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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