Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
