Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
