she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
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New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
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Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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