I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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