It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
