We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
