I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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