If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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