yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I don't deserve a penis
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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