I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
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The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
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A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I still have a little drunk in my system
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?