His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.