You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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