I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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