Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
