so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
