I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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