I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
