the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
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