ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
