I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
no you cant smoke seaweed
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Randomize
