doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
