I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
try to milk me bitch
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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