hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
Did you just see the Batmobile???
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Randomize
