it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
