I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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