he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Randomize
