dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Randomize
