The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
