As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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