people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
BRING THE BAGELS
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
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