My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
