we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
My bed smells like the plague
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
