I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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