YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
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Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
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I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
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