I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Randomize
