I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
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I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
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We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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