Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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