I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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