It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I want to fling myself into the sun
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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