He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
