i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
