I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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