dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
