At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize