Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
